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Who should pay for the first date? Experts weigh in

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When it comes to dating etiquette, one question seems to inspire more anxiety than most: Who pays for the first date?

Dating experts think there’s a clear answer for heterosexual couples.

“The man should pay for the first date,” said Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men.

Erika Ettin, an online dating coach, agrees.

“I recommend my male clients pay and my female clients offer,” said Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge. Men should politely decline that offer — unless the woman insists, in which case the man should accept it, Ettin added.

The etiquette “shouldn’t be that complicated,” she said.

Public opinion is more or less in line with what dating experts say. Most Americans — 72% — say a man should pay for the first date, according to a recent NerdWallet survey. About 68% of adults stress about their finances when organizing a date, and 69% said they’ve felt uncomfortable on dates because of how much it will cost, according to a recent Self Financial poll.

Whoever pays, the average person pays $77 for a first date, according to a LendingTree survey. That adds up: The average man paid $861 on dates in 2019 while the average woman spent $500, LendingTree found.

“Plan something that’s within your budget,” said Anderson, founder of Dating By Blaine.

“If you’re concerned about cost, you have planned a date that is too expensive,” Anderson added. Feeling the need to go to a fancy dinner to impress your date means “you’re approaching the date wrong,” she said.

Why dating experts think men should pay

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Historically, men were expected to cover the bill due to traditional roles of men as household breadwinners and women as caregivers for children, said Carli Blau, a couples and dating therapist.

While society has changed tremendously, men likely still feel a subconscious need to pay as a gesture of financial security, said Blau, founder of Boutique Psychotherapy.

Indeed, men are more likely to think they should pay for a first date than women, at 78% versus 68%, according to the NerdWallet poll.

Proponents of men picking up the tab sometimes point to ongoing financial factors like a persistent gender wage gap as a key rationale.

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But dating experts often use a different logic: The person who asks for the date should generally treat — and that’s typically the man in American society, Ettin said.

The same calculus holds for same-sex couples: Whoever asks should break out their wallet, she said.

“I think it’s not a matter of ‘the guy should pay for it,’ but rather who’s courting who?” Blau said.

In heterosexual couples, 53% of men say they asked for the first date versus 15% of women, according to a poll by the Institute for Family Studies.

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The one who pursues a romantic interest and chooses where to take their date is expected to pay, Blau added.

That means a woman should be prepared to pay if she asks out a guy, Ettin said. However, she advises men to still be prepared to cover the tab.

There’s also some romantic strategy here: Covering the bill gives the man “the best possible shot at the second date, if he likes her,” Anderson said.

Yes, it’s the traditional expectation — but it’s also a nice gesture, she added.

The advice isn’t contrary to the notion of equality and feminism, Ettin said.

“We still want that,” she said. “But it feels nice to be treated sometimes.”

“I do believe that equality and feminism and chivalry can all exist at the same time,” Ettin said.

When to split the bill

Additionally, splitting the bill feels “extremely tacky and friend zone-ish,” Ettin said.

Women interested in a second date can instead suggest they treat next time, she suggested.

Women who do offer to pay shouldn’t be mad if men accept, experts said.

“Don’t go call a friend or me as a therapist and complain afterwards they took you up on it,” Blau said.

“In this place of equality and women wanting to be treated equally — as we should be — if we go to pay it also could be considered disrespectful if the man says, ‘No, I’ll take care of it.’ Then it becomes a power dynamic,” she added.

If you’re concerned about cost, you have planned a date that is too expensive.

Blaine Anderson

dating coach

Some women may feel the need to split the check if they know they don’t want a second date. However, experts somewhat diverged on this etiquette.

“I don’t think it’s a requirement” but it’s polite to offer to pay in such cases, Anderson said.

Ettin doesn’t think payment should be tied to how well a date went, though.

“All you owe them is a thank you,” she said. “That’s it. A genuine thank you.”

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Black Friday deals and discounts to expect this season

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A customer visits Macy’s Herald Square store in New York City during early morning Black Friday sales, Nov. 24, 2023.

Kena Betancur | Getty Images

Typically, the five days beginning Thanksgiving Day and ending Cyber Monday are some of the busiest shopping days of the year.

This year, the number of people shopping in stores and online during that period could hit a new record, according to the National Retail Federation’s annual survey.

But consumers trying to make the most of the Black Friday sales may not be getting the best prices of the season.

According to WalletHub’s 2023 Best Things to Buy on Black Friday report, 35% of items at major retailers offered no savings compared with their pre-Black Friday prices. The site compared Black Friday advertisements against prices on Amazon earlier that fall. 

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“Some Black Friday deals are misleading as retailers may inflate original prices to make a deal look like a better value,” said consumer savings expert Andrea Woroch.

This year, in particular, some of the deals are already as good as they are going to get.

“Those holidays have gotten a little watered down because retailers want to maximize the selling days,” said Adam Davis, managing director at Wells Fargo Retail Finance.

“Compounding the importance of stretching the holiday season, retailers are facing a shorter selling season between Thanksgiving and Christmas — almost a week shorter in 2024,” he said. “That will force the retailer’s hand to be pretty promotional in November.”

Concerns about shipping

Retailers plan to deliver your holiday deals a little slower this year

In a period of such high volume, third-party shippers are particularly strained, according to Lauren Beitelspacher, a professor of marketing at Babson College. An ongoing labor shortage also means that some companies simply cannot hire enough workers to sort, transport and deliver packages on time.

“We are very spoiled; we got to the point where we think of something we want and it magically appears,” Beitelspacher said. But at the same time, “we’ve learned how fragile the supply chain is.”

When there are more packages to ship, shipping times increase, which can also boost the chance they may get damaged, lost or stolen en route — not to mention the risk of “porch piracy” once an item is delivered.

What discounts to expect on Black Friday

“You are easily going to see 20% to 30% off,” Davis said — but “not necessarily storewide.”

Depending on the retailer, some markdowns could be up to 50%, according to Beitelspacher. However, premium brands — including high-end activewear companies such as Nike, Alo or Lululemon — likely will not discount more than 20% or 30%, she said. “It’s a fine balance with maintaining the premium brand integrity and offering promotions.”

As in previous years, these companies are aware of how price sensitive consumers have become.

“The holidays are a time people want to treat themselves, but they also want to make their dollar last longer,” Beitelspacher said.

To that end, retailers will also try to lure shoppers to spend with incentives, such as a free gift card with a minimum purchase, Woroch said. “Many stores will also offer bonus rewards when you spend a certain amount on Black Friday.”

What not to buy on Black Friday

With toys, it could pay to hold out until the last two weeks of December, and holiday decorations are cheaper the last few days before Christmas or right after, according to Woroch.

Exercise equipment, linens and bedding tend to be marked down more during January’s “white sales,” she said, and furniture and mattress deals are often better over other holiday weekends throughout the year, such as Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends.

How to get even lower prices

Woroch recommends using a price-tracking browser extension such as Honey or Camelizer to keep an eye on price changes and alert you when a price drops. Honey will also scan for applicable coupon codes.

If you are shopping in person, try the ShopSavvy app for price comparisons. If an item costs less at another store or popular site, often the retailer will match the price, Woroch said.

Further, stack discounts: Combining credit card rewards with coupon codes and a cash-back site such as CouponCabin.com will earn money back on those purchases. Then, take pictures of your receipts using the Fetch app and get points that can be redeemed for gift cards at retailers such as Walmart, Target and Amazon.

Finally, pay attention to price adjustment policies. “If an item you buy over Black Friday goes on sale for less shortly after, you may be able to request a price adjustment,” Woroch said. Some retailers such as Target have season-long policies that may apply to purchases made up until Dec. 25.

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Why tax-loss harvesting can be easier with ETFs

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Despite a strong year for the stock market, you could still be sitting on portfolio losses. But you can leverage down assets to score a tax break, experts say.

The tactic, known as “tax-loss harvesting,” involves selling losing brokerage account assets to claim a loss. When you file your taxes, you can use those losses to offset portfolio gains. Once your investment losses exceed profits, you can use the excess to reduce regular income by up to $3,000 per year.

“Tax-loss harvesting is a tried and true strategy to lower investors’ tax bills,” said certified financial planner David Flores Wilson, managing partner at Sincerus Advisory in New York. 

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After offsetting $3,000 in regular income, investors can carry any additional losses forward into future years to offset capital gains or income.

“Investors can benefit substantially over time” by tax-loss harvesting consistently throughout the year, Wilson said.

What to know about the wash sale rule

Tax-loss harvesting can be simple when you’re eager to offload a losing asset. But it’s tricky when you still want exposure to that asset.

That’s because of guidelines from the IRS known as the “wash sale rule,” which blocks you from claiming the tax break on losses if you rebuy a “substantially identical” asset within the 30-day window before or after the sale.

In other words, you can’t sell a losing asset to claim a loss and then immediately repurchase the same investment. 

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Ultimately, the IRS definition of “substantially identical” isn’t black and white and “depends on the facts and circumstances” of your case, according to the agency.

When in doubt, consider reviewing your plan with an advisor or tax professional to make sure you’re safe from violating the wash sale rule.

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Older voters prioritized personal economic issues on Election Day: AARP

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Voters line up to cast their ballots at a voting location in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on Nov. 5, 2024.

Samuel Corum | Afp | Getty Images

When asked, “Are you better off today than you were four years ago?” the answer for many older voters ages 50 and over was “no,” according to a new post-election poll released by the AARP.

Almost half — 47% — of voters ages 50 and over said they are “worse off now,” the research found, while more than half — 55% — of swing voters in that age cohort said the same.

In competitive Congressional districts, President-elect Donald Trump won the 50 and over vote by two percentage points — the same margin by which he carried the country, AARP found.

Among voters 50 to 64, Trump won by seven points. With voters ages 65 and over, Vice President Kamala Harris won by two points.

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The AARP commissioned Fabrizio Ward and Impact Research, a bipartisan team of Republican and Democrat firms providing public opinion research and consulting, to conduct the survey. Interviews were conducted with 2,348 “likely voters” in targeted congressional districts following Election Day between Nov. 6 and 10.

Older voters, who make up an outsized share of the vote and tend to lean Republican, made a difference in a lot of key congressional races, according to Bob Ward, a Republican pollster and partner at Fabrizio Ward.

“Overall, 50-plus voters really are what delivered Republicans their majority,” Ward said.

Older swing voters focused on pocketbook issues

When asked “How worried are you about your personal financial situation?” in a June AARP survey, 62% of voters ages 50 and over checked the worry box, while 63% of voters overall did the same.

Voters continued to place an emphasis on their money concerns on Election Day, the latest AARP poll found.

“All these surveys that we conducted for AARP spoke to a lack of economic security for people,” said Jeff Liszt, partner at Impact Research.

“The shock of inflation had left them without a feeling of security,” he said.

For voters ages 50 and over, food ranked as the top cost concern, with 39%, the poll found. That was followed by health care and prescription drugs, with 20%; housing, 14%; gasoline, 10%; and electricity, 6%.

More than half — 55% — of voters ages 50 and up said they prioritized personal economic issues, including inflation, the economy and jobs, and Social Security when determining their vote.

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Older swing voters were more likely to turn out at the polls due to those pocketbook issues than any other priorities, the poll found.  

Republicans won older voters on most personal economic issues, though voters ages 50 and up still favored Democrats on Social Security by two points.  

Democrats have traditionally had a stronger lead on Social Security, Ward said, while the poll results show it is now “completely up for grabs.”

“Looking at the midterms, whether I’m Republican or Democrat … this is going to be an issue I want to win on,” Ward said.

Voters 50 and over broadly support Medicare negotiating prescription drug prices, as well as policies to help the older population age at home. Non-financial issues such as immigration and border security and threats to democracy were also among top concerns for some older voters.

Social Security reform may be bigger focus

While both presidential candidates promised to protect Social Security on the campaign trail, they did not provide plans to restore the program’s solvency.

The trust fund Social Security relies on to pay benefits is projected to run dry in 2033, at which point 79% of those benefits will be payable.

“What’s absolutely clear is that there’s an action-forcing event that we’re getting closer to, and that at some point Congress is going to have to act,” said Nancy Altman, president of Social Security Works, an advocacy group focused on expanding the program.

While Trump has touted plans to eliminate taxes on Social Security benefits, research has found that would worsen the program’s insolvency. The House voted this week to eliminate rules that reduce Social Security benefits for certain people who have pension income, which would also add to the program’s costs.

For most Americans, Social Security is the primary source of retirement income, according to the AARP. About 42% of people ages 65 and over rely on the program for at least 50% of their incomes; about 20% rely on it for at least 90% of their incomes.

Like Social Security, Medicare also faces a looming trust fund depletion for the Part A program that covers hospital insurance.

“We want to ensure that we’re protecting Medicare, Social Security and that it’s done in a fiscally responsible way,” AARP CEO Dr. Myechia Minter-Jordan told CNBC in a recent interview.

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