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Who should pay for the first date? Experts weigh in

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Janina Steinmetz | Digitalvision | Getty Images

When it comes to dating etiquette, one question seems to inspire more anxiety than most: Who pays for the first date?

Dating experts think there’s a clear answer for heterosexual couples.

“The man should pay for the first date,” said Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men.

Erika Ettin, an online dating coach, agrees.

“I recommend my male clients pay and my female clients offer,” said Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge. Men should politely decline that offer — unless the woman insists, in which case the man should accept it, Ettin added.

The etiquette “shouldn’t be that complicated,” she said.

Public opinion is more or less in line with what dating experts say. Most Americans — 72% — say a man should pay for the first date, according to a recent NerdWallet survey. About 68% of adults stress about their finances when organizing a date, and 69% said they’ve felt uncomfortable on dates because of how much it will cost, according to a recent Self Financial poll.

Whoever pays, the average person pays $77 for a first date, according to a LendingTree survey. That adds up: The average man paid $861 on dates in 2019 while the average woman spent $500, LendingTree found.

“Plan something that’s within your budget,” said Anderson, founder of Dating By Blaine.

“If you’re concerned about cost, you have planned a date that is too expensive,” Anderson added. Feeling the need to go to a fancy dinner to impress your date means “you’re approaching the date wrong,” she said.

Why dating experts think men should pay

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Historically, men were expected to cover the bill due to traditional roles of men as household breadwinners and women as caregivers for children, said Carli Blau, a couples and dating therapist.

While society has changed tremendously, men likely still feel a subconscious need to pay as a gesture of financial security, said Blau, founder of Boutique Psychotherapy.

Indeed, men are more likely to think they should pay for a first date than women, at 78% versus 68%, according to the NerdWallet poll.

Proponents of men picking up the tab sometimes point to ongoing financial factors like a persistent gender wage gap as a key rationale.

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But dating experts often use a different logic: The person who asks for the date should generally treat — and that’s typically the man in American society, Ettin said.

The same calculus holds for same-sex couples: Whoever asks should break out their wallet, she said.

“I think it’s not a matter of ‘the guy should pay for it,’ but rather who’s courting who?” Blau said.

In heterosexual couples, 53% of men say they asked for the first date versus 15% of women, according to a poll by the Institute for Family Studies.

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The one who pursues a romantic interest and chooses where to take their date is expected to pay, Blau added.

That means a woman should be prepared to pay if she asks out a guy, Ettin said. However, she advises men to still be prepared to cover the tab.

There’s also some romantic strategy here: Covering the bill gives the man “the best possible shot at the second date, if he likes her,” Anderson said.

Yes, it’s the traditional expectation — but it’s also a nice gesture, she added.

The advice isn’t contrary to the notion of equality and feminism, Ettin said.

“We still want that,” she said. “But it feels nice to be treated sometimes.”

“I do believe that equality and feminism and chivalry can all exist at the same time,” Ettin said.

When to split the bill

Additionally, splitting the bill feels “extremely tacky and friend zone-ish,” Ettin said.

Women interested in a second date can instead suggest they treat next time, she suggested.

Women who do offer to pay shouldn’t be mad if men accept, experts said.

“Don’t go call a friend or me as a therapist and complain afterwards they took you up on it,” Blau said.

“In this place of equality and women wanting to be treated equally — as we should be — if we go to pay it also could be considered disrespectful if the man says, ‘No, I’ll take care of it.’ Then it becomes a power dynamic,” she added.

If you’re concerned about cost, you have planned a date that is too expensive.

Blaine Anderson

dating coach

Some women may feel the need to split the check if they know they don’t want a second date. However, experts somewhat diverged on this etiquette.

“I don’t think it’s a requirement” but it’s polite to offer to pay in such cases, Anderson said.

Ettin doesn’t think payment should be tied to how well a date went, though.

“All you owe them is a thank you,” she said. “That’s it. A genuine thank you.”

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Social Security plans to cut about 7,000 workers. That may affect benefits

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The Social Security Administration office in Brownsville, Texas.

Robert Daemmrich Photography Inc | Corbis Historical | Getty Images

The Social Security Administration plans to shed 7,000 employees as the Trump administration looks for ways to cut federal spending.

The agency on Friday confirmed the figure — which will bring its total staff down to 50,000 from 57,000.

Previous reports that the Social Security Administration planned for a 50% reduction to its headcount are “false,” the agency said.

Nevertheless, the aim of 7,000 job cuts has prompted concerns about the agency’s ability to continue to provide services, particularly benefit payments, to tens of millions of older Americans when its staff is already at a 50-year low.

“It’s going to extend the amount of time that it takes for them to have their claim processed,” said Greg Senden, a paralegal analyst who has worked at the Social Security Administration for 27 years.

“It’s going to extend the amount of time that they have to wait to get benefits,” said Senden, who also helps the American Federation of Government Employees oversee Social Security employees in six central states.

Officials at the White House and the Social Security Administration were not available for comment at press time.

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The Social Security Administration on Friday said it anticipates “much of” the staff reductions needed to reach its target will come from resignations, retirement and offers for Voluntary Separation Incentive Payments, or VSIP. 

More reductions could come from “reduction-in-force actions that could include abolishment of organizations and positions” or reassignments to other positions, the agency said. Federal agencies must submit their reduction-in-force plans by March 13 to the Office of Personnel Management for approval.

Cuts may affect benefit payments, experts say

Former Social Security Administration Commissioner Martin O’Malley last week told CNBC.com that the continuity of benefit payments could be at risk for the first time in the program’s history.

“Ultimately, you’re going to see the system collapse and an interruption of benefits,” O’Malley said. “I believe you will see that within the next 30 to 90 days.”

Other experts say the changes could affect benefits, though it remains to be seen exactly how.

“It’s unclear to me whether the staff cuts are more likely to result in an interruption of benefits, or an increase in improper payments,” said Charles Blahous, senior research strategist at the Mercatus Center at George Mason University and a former public trustee for Social Security and Medicare.

Improper payments happen when the agency either overpays or underpays benefits due to inaccurate information.

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With fewer staff, the Social Security Administration will have to choose between making sure all claims are processed, which may lead to more improper payments, or avoiding those errors, which could lead to processing delays, Blahous said.

Disability benefits, which require more agency staff attention both to process initial claims and to continue to verify beneficiaries are eligible, may be more susceptible to errors compared to retirement benefits, he added.

Cuts may have minimal impact on trust funds

Under the Trump administration, Social Security also plans to consolidate its geographic footprint to four regions down from 10 regional offices, the agency said on Friday.

Ultimately, it remains to be seen how much savings the overall reforms will generate.

The Social Security Administration’s funding for administrative costs comes out of its trust funds, which are also used to pay benefits. Based on current projections, the trust funds will be depleted in the next decade and Social Security will not be able to pay full benefits at that time, unless Congress acts sooner.

The efforts to cut costs at the Social Security Administration would likely only help the trust fund solvency “in some miniscule way,” said Andrew Biggs, senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute and former principal deputy commissioner of the Social Security Administration.

What President Donald Trump is likely looking to do broadly is reset the baseline on government spending and employment, he said.

“I’m not disagreeing with the idea that the agency could be more efficient,” Biggs said. “I just wonder whether you can come up with that by cutting the positions first and figuring out how to have the efficiencies later.”

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Student loan borrowers pursuing PSLF are ‘panicking.’ Here’s what to know

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Students walk through the University of Texas at Austin on February 22, 2024 in Austin, Texas. 

Brandon Bell | Getty Images

As the Trump administration overhauls the student loan system, many borrowers pursuing the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program are worried about its future.

“There’s a lot of panicking by PSLF borrowers due to the uncertainty,” said higher education expert Mark Kantrowitz.

PSLF, which President George W. Bush signed into law in 2007, allows certain not-for-profit and government employees to have their federal student loans canceled after 10 years of payments.

Here’s what borrowers in the program need to know about recent changes affecting the program.

IDR repayment plan applications down

Some borrowers’ PSLF progress has stalled

While the legal challenges against SAVE were playing out, the Biden administration paused the payments for enrollees through a forbearance, as well as the accrual of any interest.

Unlike the payment pause during the pandemic, borrowers in this forbearance aren’t getting credit toward their required 120 payments for loan forgiveness under PSLF. It’s unclear when the forbearance will end.

But while the applications for other IDR plans remain unavailable, borrowers in SAVE are stuck on their timeline toward loan forgiveness, Kantrowitz said. If you were on an IDR plan other than SAVE, you will continue to get credit during this period if you’re making payments and working in eligible employment.

The Education Department is now tweaking the applications to make sure all their repayment plans comply with the new court order, an agency spokesperson told CNBC last week.

It will likely be months before the Department has reworked all the applications and made them available again, Kantrowitz said.

Those who switch to the Standard plan will continue to get PSLF credit, but the payments are often too high for those working in the public sector or for a nonprofit to afford, experts said.

‘Buy back’ opportunity can help

While it’s frustrating not to be inching toward loan forgiveness for the time being, an option down the road may help, said Betsy Mayotte, president of The Institute of Student Loan Advisors, a nonprofit.

The Education Department’s Buyback opportunity lets people pay for certain months that didn’t count, if doing so brings them up to 120 qualifying payments.

For example, time spent in forbearances or deferments that suspended your progress can essentially be cashed in for qualifying payments.

The extra payment must total at least as much as what you have paid monthly under an IDR plan, according to Studentaid.gov.

Borrowers who’ve now been pursuing PSLF for 10 years or more should put in their buyback request sooner than later, Kantrowitz said.

“The benefit is likely to be eliminated by the Trump administration,” he said.

Keep records

Borrowers have already long complained of inaccurate payment counts under the PSLF program. While the student loan repayment options are tweaked, people could see more errors, Kantrowitz said.

“A borrower’s payment history and other student loan details are more likely to get corrupted during a transition,” he said.

As a result, he said, those pursuing PSLF should print out a copy of their payment history on StudentAid.gov.

“It would also be a good idea to create a spreadsheet showing all of the qualifying payments so they have their own count,” Kantrowitz said.

With the PSLF help tool, borrowers can search for a list of qualifying employers and access the employer certification form. Try to fill out this form at least once a year, Kantrowitz added.

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Treasury Department halts enforcement of BOI reporting for businesses

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The US Treasury building in Washington, DC, US, on Monday, Jan. 27, 2025. 

Stefani Reynolds | Bloomberg | Getty Images

The U.S. Department of the Treasury on Sunday announced it won’t enforce the penalties or fines associated with the Biden-era “beneficial ownership information,” or BOI, reporting requirements for millions of domestic businesses. 

Enacted via the Corporate Transparency Act in 2021 to fight illicit finance and shell company formation, BOI reporting requires small businesses to identify who directly or indirectly owns or controls the company to the Treasury’s Financial Crimes Enforcement Network, known as FinCEN.

After previous court delays, the Treasury in late February set a March 21 deadline to comply or risk civil penalties of up to $591 a day, adjusted for inflation, or criminal fines of up to $10,000 and up to two years in prison. The reporting requirements could apply to roughly 32.6 million businesses, according to federal estimates.     

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The rule was enacted to “make it harder for bad actors to hide or benefit from their ill-gotten gains through shell companies or other opaque ownership structures,” according to FinCEN.

In addition to not enforcing BOI penalties and fines, the Treasury said it would issue a proposed regulation to apply the rule to foreign reporting companies only. 

President Donald Trump praised the news in a Truth Social post on Sunday night, describing the reporting rule as “outrageous and invasive” and “an absolute disaster” for small businesses.

Other experts say the Treasury’s decision could have ramifications for national security.

“This decision threatens to make the United States a magnet for foreign criminals, from drug cartels to fraudsters to terrorist organizations,” Scott Greytak, director of advocacy for anticorruption organization Transparency International U.S., said in a statement.

Greg Iacurci contributed to this reporting.

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